M.C.

In 1975, after my mum died, I went into nurse’s training. During my psychiatric rotation I had a patient called Bruce, who had been diagnosed “paranoid schizophrenic”. I’d always thought schizophrenics simply interpreted the illusion of life on this planet a bit more accurately than the rest of us and that there was nothing ‘wrong’ with them; au contraire, there might be something wrong with someone
who would label another as ‘paranoid schizophrenic’. My teacher asked one morning, “Mary, tell us about your patient; what’s wrong with Bruce?” “Nothing is wrong with Bruce. He is a typical 19 year-old - a few drugs, a few problems .... nothing wrong.” She was incensed by my attitude and raged, “Of course there is or he wouldn’t be here.” I didn’t have to take this nonsense so I got up and left the room. On my way out I wondered what I was intending to do. Ah! - I’ll look through his chart for ‘evidence’ that there is “nothing wrong with Bruce”. Just as I went for his chart I noticed that a doctor was writing in it. I said, “Just the man I want to see! What exactly is wrong with Bruce?” He answered, “Nothing; I’ve 11 just discharged him.” Do I have horseshoes up my ass, or what? So, I said, “Will you go and tell my teacher this; she thinks I’m being contrary; and he did. I was a big hit with my fellow students. I realized just how important my timing had been. When another incident re-enforced this I vowed to act accordingly from then on.

Mary Croft, HOW I CLOBBERED EVERY BUREAUCRATIC CASH-CONFISCATORY AGENCY KNOWN TO MAN