Day 2

Second day at work today -- Winner's receiving. I'm working with "Ken" an older black guy with a white beard and heavy Jamaican accent who likes to sing "Cecilia, you're breakin' my 'aaat"

I hate the job, but then again, I hate life too -- down to the last square inch. I was late today and "Bal" my supervisor said "One more time, and you're gone!" So I guess it's one more time and I'm gone. Shouldn't be too long either -- I give myself two weeks before I screw up and sleep in again. I'd like to work there for several months because they -- people -- say it's a good job, even though the money sucks.

I'm thinking of finding a second job -- supplemental income -- but don't really know if I'll be able to pull it off -- have no idea where to work at the moment -- hmmmm, something on evenings or weekends.

Leonard Cohen, First we Take Manhattan

I realize how much this blog has deteriorated since I began it in late '06 -- back when I had an aura. Ho hum, those were indeed the days. I knew, knew, knew coming here would be the end of me. The end of me. The end of me. How frustrating. I heard an inspirational story about Sylvestor Stallone by Tony Robbins -- probably on youtube if you search for it. The thing that hit home was when Sly told him that he was dirt broke when trying to act/write and knew that if he went and got a "job" that he would fall into a rhythm that would cause him to lose his hunger for what he knew he was meant to accomplish. That's exactly how I felt until my 8 hour hike back to Brampton from Milton a few days ago. It seems two weeks or so out in the forest cleared my mind enough to get a job and an apartment -- two things I've never had before. All the same, I'm so FUCKED UP that I can't get these entities out of me or clear my ajna chakra of its toxins. Really, that really, really fucks me up hard.

Julio Iglesias

Getting my bike stolen while watching SALT wasn't my idea of a good time. That came after a day of bawling and riding my bike -- asking my God, my Higher Self, just to TAKE ME HOME. TAKE ME HOME. TAKE ME HOME. Such is the cry of a lonely, hopeless man. I just want to go home. I've been spending money like crazy lately. I walked home -- all the way home -- took 8 hours in the middle of night, thanks to the stealer of my bike. I bought a new bike yesterday. A raleigh, then promptly got a job -- let's see how long I can keep it. It's at Winners -- starts Monday morning -- bright and early -- 6:45am. 10.50 per hour -- 400$ per week or thereabouts. Well, maybe it'll work off some bad karma for me. My poor teeth better hold up. I hope to see Tracy again soon, I emailed her, but expensive -- 160$. I looked at pictures of Banff tonight -- only 100$ for one-way trip.

Cindi Lauper

Bye Bye

I had some hope of getting rid of the entities till the end of last week but since breaking the fast I saw Charity and picked up another critter that I'm sure must have been responsible for killing her two unborn children. It's lodged in my third chakra just like the original from Carolina (which I got rid of) and the current one, which I got from Ron two years ago at Christmas time.

The energy in Brampton is lethal for me. Milton is better energy-wise but I have nowhere there to shower or cook a meal so yesterday I hiked back in to Ceci's place. Neither Ceci nor her daughter want me anywhere close to their new-found dwelling place so it's humiliating, not to mention probably bad karma, for me to be here. I'll make a meal for myself with food I have stored here and go once again and sleep in the park like all good homeless people do. The taste of failure becomes more bitter everyday.

Having two dead people, or three now, in my stomach takes me down, for the most part, into their world -- they each 'prefer' death to life, in a way, and are each of them trying in their own way to bring me down to it (I mentioned the world of avichi before on this blog). I know it sounds melodramatic and probably its just a
"cry for help" or "attention-getter" but I don't see myself surviving my current situation much longer. I know the spiritual consequences of suicide, for example, but I don't want to live much longer in my current state.

The cord-cutting with Charity, the most recent, was actually another disaster, getting repossessed as I did -- the last thing on earth I expected. It's that kind of event that discourages me completely.

The problems extend beyond the entities, of course. I have a major (major) block in my 6th chakra and all of my other chakras have blocks in them as well. I can't be around anybody because of the energies that I pick up from them. So, the situation is quite hopeless.