NON EST AD ASTRA MOLLIS E TERRIS VIA: There is no easy way from the earth to the stars.

Fucking Disaster of a Year

What a disaster of a fucking year. The only thing that went well was my initiation at Modern Mystery School, but even that was marred by contracting yet another entity from another "energy healer". Truly, truly I am in hell.

Maybe illumination lies in wait somewhere in '11?

2.5 years of trying to get rid of two entities I contracted in the span of about 20 minutes in '08. I feel that my karma is so incredibly bad that my higher self actually had a suicide planned for this life and is forcing me in that direction. What an asshole my higher self is! I suspect one suicide out of 800 or so lives is "necessary" for some inane reason. I'm very bitter towards God of late. I really thought '10 was my year to be illuminated, writing that I felt very close at the beginning of the year. I no longer feel close, just jaded, discouraged, exhausted, fearful, exasperated, bitter, angry.

In August '10 I did a 19 day fast followed by an etheric cord cutting. That lead to 6th chakra clarity I've never felt before. I got a job and an apartment but just two or three weeks later, after asking a true disgrace to humanity to pray for me I contracted all her shit as she tapped into my astral space for 9 straight days. Witch, witch, witch. Proves to me that catholicism is pure black magic and nothing else. Boy, oh boy, I'm not bitter. Once again what was mine became not mine. Then I saw Jason and Nora who sealed in all the crap I got from said witch so that guarantees that I'll never be able to clear my 6th chakra as I did in August -- at least not by fasting and cord cutting.

Cleft in Two

ANTONIO
Sebastian are you?

SEBASTIAN
Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

ANTONIO
How have you made division of yourself?
An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin
Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

OLIVIA
Most wonderful!

Nice Synopsis of My Problem

Sigils

Just a way to keep tabs on my sigils research. I found a good site or two on sigil magick -- this is one brief intro (good):

http://www.mookychick.co.uk/spirit/magical_sigils.php

edit:

http://www.donaldtyson.com/sigil.html

"Many of those who practice this ancient and honorable art believe that merely by gazing overlong at demonic sigils, the demons themselves will be attracted, and will cause trouble or bad luck in the life of the person who disturbs them. There may be some truth in this folklore. I found that during the period when I was devoting intense study to the sigils of the Goetia, I began to see them in my dreams and was subject to nightmares in which the sigils themselves writhed and twisted as though alive. This was disturbing enough to cause me to suspend my research, at that time."

www.apolo.net/Classes/Sigils/sigil1_pres.pdf

Room enough for two

(Ceci's Song)

My footsteps fall into the lonely night.
The tears dance in the corners of my eyes.
The stars wink their goodbyes as clouds appear.
To remind me of a love that was so clear.

She said "Listen baby, try to understand.
"I fell in love with more than just one man."
She said, "Listen baby, dont be sad or blue.
"'Cause half of my heart still belongs to you."

Oh, I can touch the darkness with my hand.
She fell in love with more than just one man.
Oh like the sunlight stolen by the moon.
Love can be so false and yet so true.

My lonely footsteps fall into the night.
The tears are waving in my eyes goodbye.
The clouds are lifting and the stars appear.
Oh, how love can be so far and yet so near.

She said, "Listen baby all my love is true.
"But half my heart belongs to each of you."
She said, "Listen baby, don't be sad or blue.
"'Cause in my heart there's room enough for two."

Purple Rain

Cecilia

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

Branagh's Hamlet Act 3 Scene 1

But Hamlet was the victim of a strange and hideous betrayal, where he was forced to keep up appearances despite that betrayal. It doesn't seem that justice in the end was served. It seems that madness overwhelmed him. I'll wager that's what madness does, overwhelm people. And madness is only madness because it is destructive of life.

I think my 37-years-in-the-making definition of life is "something that can't get through". At least that's my definition from this side of the lens. Because, if life could get through, there wouldn't be so much death around. My whole life I've struggled with the "nobility" of taking my own life -- I've never wanted to direct my darkness anywhere else. But scholars, I mean real ones, tell me that Shakespeare was right on the money, and that, further, suicides have pretty horrible dreams. And yet, it is a truism that a man cannot suffer more that he can suffer. A man cannot cry till his guts spill out more that he can do so. The implication being that there must be an end to suffering. There has to be. Suffering cannot go on forever. Or else a man can suffer more than he can; which he cannot.

Anyway, maybe my suffering is so great that it cannot be extinguished in one life but has to be extended to many lives or even beyond death. In that case I'm prolonging my suffering by not taking my own life. So far I'm letting conscience make a coward of me because I don't think I could take the "kama loka-ic" state. Seems too nasty to me. As real as life, and as dark as death with no possibility of escape until a hard lesson has been learned. I've seen, already once or twice, an important aspect of my Higher Self. Yes, I've caught glimpses of the beautiful Virgin -- totally radiant and perfectly immortal. She stood right before my eyes, she's there now, but life can't get through. She'll disapprove of me taking my own life -- oh ... oh, oh how she'll disapprove. How she'll disapprove. I know, I've felt it, when I saw her. She stands for life and life only, and she'll not stand for death. She'll let me go there alone, even though she practically does that here already. The secret, the biggest secret, the secret of all secrets, the secret that makes all of life's struggles and strivings vanities, is that life alone is immortal and only death is temporary. That's the betrayal of my life -- to be made to believe the opposite -- that's the Orwellian lie I've be fed for so many lives, to be made to believe that 2+2=5 and that death goes on forever, that death is permanent. 2+2=4, life goes on forever, and only life does so. Even when I think it, it seems such a strange thought, but that's the tragic truth. Tragic because so easy to not believe. But it's the truth that can set you free, it's the "good news."

I'm strung up, just like Jamal Malik at the opening of the movie Slumdog Millionaire. I'm strung up, just like before he won the 20 million rupees and was reunited with his Latika. I'm strung up. And perhaps just like him I've given up all hope of illumination now -- one half of me longs for death, the other half is operating now on some kind reserve energy, some low-level reserve energy that cannot sustain thought or desire, but a low-level buzz persists inside my brain -- my thoughts and desires are truly all but extinguished now. Perhaps it's fatigue, but then perhaps they're not extinguished, perhaps I just distrust them -- perhaps now I completely distrust them. Perhaps I'm not listening to them anymore. In any case, I'm feeling very apathetic towards my thoughts and desires at the moment. They can die are far as I care. I have no desire to live anymore.

"Nymph, in thy orisons, be all my sins remembered."

Tread softly in the forest of my heart
And in the quiet so your seeds of love
And just as softly leave before I know
But let the seeds of love inside me grow.

That was the beginning to a "song" I was writing in my testa out there in the forest (of all places). I rather liked the tune but won't translate on the page.

Really not sure what my next move is. Winners didn't work. Money doesn't work. It's etheric filth. But wouldn't mind working at Mimac if there were an opening -- small company with fairly good energy. Still, money kills.

Day 2

Second day at work today -- Winner's receiving. I'm working with "Ken" an older black guy with a white beard and heavy Jamaican accent who likes to sing "Cecilia, you're breakin' my 'aaat"

I hate the job, but then again, I hate life too -- down to the last square inch. I was late today and "Bal" my supervisor said "One more time, and you're gone!" So I guess it's one more time and I'm gone. Shouldn't be too long either -- I give myself two weeks before I screw up and sleep in again. I'd like to work there for several months because they -- people -- say it's a good job, even though the money sucks.

I'm thinking of finding a second job -- supplemental income -- but don't really know if I'll be able to pull it off -- have no idea where to work at the moment -- hmmmm, something on evenings or weekends.

Leonard Cohen, First we Take Manhattan

I realize how much this blog has deteriorated since I began it in late '06 -- back when I had an aura. Ho hum, those were indeed the days. I knew, knew, knew coming here would be the end of me. The end of me. The end of me. How frustrating. I heard an inspirational story about Sylvestor Stallone by Tony Robbins -- probably on youtube if you search for it. The thing that hit home was when Sly told him that he was dirt broke when trying to act/write and knew that if he went and got a "job" that he would fall into a rhythm that would cause him to lose his hunger for what he knew he was meant to accomplish. That's exactly how I felt until my 8 hour hike back to Brampton from Milton a few days ago. It seems two weeks or so out in the forest cleared my mind enough to get a job and an apartment -- two things I've never had before. All the same, I'm so FUCKED UP that I can't get these entities out of me or clear my ajna chakra of its toxins. Really, that really, really fucks me up hard.

Julio Iglesias

Getting my bike stolen while watching SALT wasn't my idea of a good time. That came after a day of bawling and riding my bike -- asking my God, my Higher Self, just to TAKE ME HOME. TAKE ME HOME. TAKE ME HOME. Such is the cry of a lonely, hopeless man. I just want to go home. I've been spending money like crazy lately. I walked home -- all the way home -- took 8 hours in the middle of night, thanks to the stealer of my bike. I bought a new bike yesterday. A raleigh, then promptly got a job -- let's see how long I can keep it. It's at Winners -- starts Monday morning -- bright and early -- 6:45am. 10.50 per hour -- 400$ per week or thereabouts. Well, maybe it'll work off some bad karma for me. My poor teeth better hold up. I hope to see Tracy again soon, I emailed her, but expensive -- 160$. I looked at pictures of Banff tonight -- only 100$ for one-way trip.

Cindi Lauper

Bye Bye

I had some hope of getting rid of the entities till the end of last week but since breaking the fast I saw Charity and picked up another critter that I'm sure must have been responsible for killing her two unborn children. It's lodged in my third chakra just like the original from Carolina (which I got rid of) and the current one, which I got from Ron two years ago at Christmas time.

The energy in Brampton is lethal for me. Milton is better energy-wise but I have nowhere there to shower or cook a meal so yesterday I hiked back in to Ceci's place. Neither Ceci nor her daughter want me anywhere close to their new-found dwelling place so it's humiliating, not to mention probably bad karma, for me to be here. I'll make a meal for myself with food I have stored here and go once again and sleep in the park like all good homeless people do. The taste of failure becomes more bitter everyday.

Having two dead people, or three now, in my stomach takes me down, for the most part, into their world -- they each 'prefer' death to life, in a way, and are each of them trying in their own way to bring me down to it (I mentioned the world of avichi before on this blog). I know it sounds melodramatic and probably its just a
"cry for help" or "attention-getter" but I don't see myself surviving my current situation much longer. I know the spiritual consequences of suicide, for example, but I don't want to live much longer in my current state.

The cord-cutting with Charity, the most recent, was actually another disaster, getting repossessed as I did -- the last thing on earth I expected. It's that kind of event that discourages me completely.

The problems extend beyond the entities, of course. I have a major (major) block in my 6th chakra and all of my other chakras have blocks in them as well. I can't be around anybody because of the energies that I pick up from them. So, the situation is quite hopeless.

Brel, Ne me quitte pas

LINK

Suicide is not Death

I have, since the suicide of a co-worker's son, been plagued with the desire to repeat the act -- just at a time when I wasn't thinking very much about suicide. Now what I feel is an incredible lust for death -- this amazing article by the amazing theosophist, WQ Judge, actually mentions what I'm going through. He calls people like me "poor sensitives", and he's right because, after all my etheric protection from the world is practically non-existent because of the two kama rupas in my belly.

Suicide is not Death
W. Q. Judge

As a student of Theosophy and human nature I have been interested in the discussion of the subject of self-murder to which The World has given a place in its columns. The eloquent agnostic, Col. Ingersoll, planted his views in the ground with the roots of them in the grave, giving the poor felo de se nothing beyond the cold earth to cheer him in his act, save perhaps the cowardly chance of escape, from responsibility or pain. Those who, as Nym Crinkle says, occupy themselves with replying to Col. Ingersoll fall back on the mere assertion that it is a sin to kill the body in which the Lord saw fit to confine a man. Neither of these views is either satisfactory or scientific.

If suicide is to be approved it can only be on the ground that the man is only a body, which, being a clod, may well be put out of its sufferings. From this it would be an easy step to justify the killing of other bodies that may be in the way, or old, or insane, or decrepit, or vicious. For if the mass of clay called body is all that we are, if man is not a spirit unborn and changeless in essence, then what wrong can there be in destroying it when you own it, or are it, and how easy to find good and sufficient reason for disposing similarly of others? The priest condemns suicide, but one may be a Christian and yet hold the opinion that a quick release from earth brings possible heaven several years nearer. The Christian is not deterred from suicide by any good reasons advanced in his religion, but rather from cowardice. Death, whenever natural or forced has become a terror, is named "The King of Terrors." This is because, although a vague heaven is offered on the other side, life and death are so little understood that men had rather bear the ills they know than fly to others which are feared through ignorance of what those are.

Suicide, like any other murder is a sin because it is a sudden disturbance of the harmony of the world. It is a sin because it defeats nature. Nature exists for the sake of the soul and for no other reason, it has the design, so to say, of giving the soul experience and self-consciousness. These can only be had by means of a body through which the soul comes in contact with nature, and to violently sever the connection before the natural time defeats the aim of nature, for the present compelling her, by her own slow processes, to restore the task left unfinished. And as those processes must go on through the soul that permitted the murder, more pain and suffering must follow.

And the disturbance of the general harmony is a greater sin than most men think. They consider themselves alone, as separate, as not connected with others. But they are connected throughout the whole world with all other souls and minds. A subtle, actual, powerful band links them all together, and the instant one of all these millions disturbs the link the whole mass feels it by reaction through soul and mind, and can only return to a normal state through a painful adjustment. This adjustment is on the unseen, but all-important, planes of being in which the real man exists. Thus each murderer of self or of another imposes on entire humanity an unjustifiable burden. From this injustice he cannot escape, for his body's death does not cut him off from the rest; it only places him, deprived of nature's instruments, in the clutch of laws that are powerful and implacable, ceaseless in their operation and compulsory in their demands.

Suicide is a huge folly, because it places the committer of it in an infinitely worse position than he was in under the conditions from which he foolishly hoped to escape. It is not death. It is only a leaving of one well-known house in familiar surroundings to go into a new place where terror and despair alone have place. It is but a preliminary death done to the clay, which is put in the "cold embrace of the grave," leaving the man himself naked and alive, but out of mortal life and not in either heaven or hell.

The Theosophist sees that man is a complex being full of forces and faculties, which he uses in a body on earth. The body is only a part of his clothing; he himself lives also in other places. In sleep he lives in one, awakes in another, in thought in another. He is a threefold being of body, soul and spirit. And this trinity can be divided again into its necessary seven constituents. And just as he is threefold, so also is nature - material, psychical or astral, and spiritual. The material part of nature governs the body, the psychical affects the soul and the spirit lives in the spiritual, all being bound together. Were we but bodies, we might well commit them to material nature and the grave, but if we rush out of the material we must project ourselves into the psychical or astral. And as all nature proceeds with regularity under the government of law, we know that each combination has its own term of life before a natural and easy separation of the component parts can take place. A tree or a mineral or a man is a combination of elements or parts, and each must have its projected life term. If we violently and prematurely cut them off one from the other, certain consequences must ensue. Each constituent requires its own time for dissolution. And suicide being a violent destruction of the first element - body - the other two, of soul and spirit, are left without their natural instrument. The man then is but half dead, and is compelled by the law of his own being to wait until the natural term is reached.

The fate of the suicide is horrible in general. He has cut himself off from his body by using mechanical means that affect the body, but cannot touch the real man. He then is projected into the astral world, for he has to live somewhere. There the remorseless law, which acts really for his good, compels him to wait until he can properly die. Naturally he must wait, half dead, the months or years which, in the order of nature, would have rolled over him before body and soul and spirit could rightly separate. He becomes a shade; he lives in purgatory, so to say, called by the Theosophist the "place of desire and passion," or "Kama Loka." He exists in the astral realm entirely, eaten up by his own thoughts. Continually repeating in vivid thoughts the act by which he tried to stop his life's pilgrimage, he at the same time sees the people and the place he left, but is not able to communicate with any one except, now and then, with some poor sensitive, who often is frightened by the visit. And often he fills the minds of living persons who may be sensitive to his thoughts with the picture of his own taking off, occasionally leading them to commit upon themselves the act of which he was guilty.

To put it theosophically, the suicide has cut himself off on one side from the body and life which were necessary for his experience and evolution, and on the other from his spirit, his guide and "Father in heaven." He is composed now of astral body, which is of great tensile strength, informed and inflamed by his passions and desires. But a portion of his mind, called manas, is with him. He can think and perceive, but, ignorant of how to use the forces of that realm, he is swept hither and thither, unable to guide himself. His whole nature is in distress, and with it to a certain degree the whole of humanity, for through the spirit all are united. Thus he goes on, until the law of nature acting on his astral body, that begins to die, and then he falls into a sleep from which he awakens in time for a season of rest before beginning once more a life on earth. In his next reincarnation he may, if he sees fit, retrieve or compensate or suffer over again.

There is no escape from responsibility. The "sweet embrace of the wet clay" is a delusion. It is better to bravely accept the inevitable, since it must be due to our errors in other older lives, and fill every duty, try to improve all opportunity. To teach suicide is a sin, for it leads some to commit it. To prohibit it without reason is useless, for our minds must have reasons for doing or not doing. And if we literally construe the words of the Bible, then there we find it says no murderer has a place but in hell. Such constructions satisfy but few in an age of critical investigation and hard analysis. But give men the key to their own natures, show them how law governs both here and beyond the grave, and their good sense will do the rest. An illogical nepenthe of the grave is as foolish as an illogical heaven for nothing.

A Week of Death

I thought I had given up writing this blog. I thought I was close to illumination -- being raised up into spirit forever. I was close. I am close. But, still I hold on to darkness, because it's the only thing I know. "I'm telling you these walls are funny!" (Shawshank Redemption). Selling the house was, well, a mistake. Now my credit cards tell me that even if I pay them down, my accounts are still frozen -- so, what's the point of paying them? That's 15,000 dollars I owe, at 20% interest per year, compounded. Nice. Very nice.

This past week has been fantastic. I found out my energy healer lost her twins in a miscarriage at 5 and 1/2 months. Then one woman I work with, her son -- who had similar problems to mine except he was bipolar -- killed himself two Saturday's ago. Then I find out Cecilia is seeing another guy, which made me feel, well, just fantastic. My cot got stolen when I was camping a few weekends ago.

Unselfishness

If we abused people in one life, our higher self would probably cause us to reincarnate into a situation where we’d get abused to make us realize the misery we’ve caused others.

The only way to bypass this law of cause and effect (called "karma") is to develop so much unselfish love that paying our debts to society will serve no purpose - much like a college student challenging a course they already know.

http://www.neardeathsite.com/research13.php

Knowing what I want

25 days to homelessness, and still, all I want is to remove the entities in my belly! I changed subliminals again yesterday -- this time the message is "I have the capacity to find out what it is that I truly want more than anything else in the universe." Already, less than 24 hours later, the picture is starting to become clear. I really believe in what I quoted yesterday, that discipline is nothing more or less than knowing what you want (how I phrase it). The picture has to be clear, and the picture has always been a bit fuzzy for me. Of course, what I really want is spiritual illumination, and to purify my etheric body -- these two things I see as one and the same. And I have understood for a while how to get there -- as I've stated before, "matter" is "lucifer," or the fallen angel, the puncture in space (spirit), and spirit (life) must penetrate matter and raise it up into itself (spiritualize matter) -- this is evolution. Spiritual illumination is a perfectly natural and unconscious process that only happens once the etheric body is fully purified of all obstructions. We live at the end of an age, therefore much destruction is about to take place (and has already in the last century with the destruction of 250 million lives in wars). Prior to the destruction, "karmic debt" must be accumulated so that each individual's higher self (their "God") will participate willingly in the death of the lower being (the individual). Karmic debt I now see as obstructions within the etheric body itself -- for example the entities in my belly hold my karmic debt, as do the toxins in my other chakras. What I'm trying to say is that there is a heck of a lot of karmic debt floating around at this time in history, and that means that, like the last century, a heck of a lot of destruction is about to take place. Can you see my urgency for becoming illuminated now? I don't see that I deserve to be part of the coming destruction. Not after everything I've been through in this incarnation, not after everything I've learned, not after coming so close.

Getting clean etherically causes the kundalini energy in the base of the spine to rise -- that is the energy that spiritualizes matter completely. I want to be freed from matter, liberated from matter, raised up into spirit, I want to go home, the place from whence I came. I'm ready.

David Campbell, Discipline

“Discipline is remembering what you want.”

David Campbell

End of Raw?

I think that's the end of "raw." Three and a half years of blogging -- three and a half of the worst years of my life, and things are looking to get worse when I have no job, no money, and no place to live, in about 28 days from now.

I'd like to close the blog with a (repeat?) quote from my favorite of favorites, Francis Bacon -- founder of modern science, the real Shakespeare, mastermind behind the colonization of the Americas, and, just as likely as not, still living. I am paraphrasing him:

"A little learning inclineth the mind to atheism, but, greatness of learning bringeth the mind back to God."

The years 2000-2010 were all about "greatness of learning" for me, just as the '90s were about crap knowledge given to the masses. You could say I discovered God in about 2008 or so, when I got seriously into Theosophy. I owe so much, in this incarnation, to Manly P. Hall and Helena P. Blavatsky -- words can simply not express. And, perhaps the above quote can sum up the lesson I learned in this incarnation -- and that I'll take with me to the grave.

In mid-2005 or so, I started using "The Secret", i.e., using positive affirmations to change my life, accomplish my goals, etc. When I applied "The Secret" to trying to discover what I really want to accomplish, I came up with several goals that covered the gamut of knowledge, and gleaned from the Library of Congress classification system. That systems divides all knowledge into 22 categories, so I set a goal to become "the greatest" in each of these, e.g., "I have become the greatest philosopher ...", "I have become the greatest psychologist ..." etc., for all 22 knowledge areas.

After a year, that process lead to my discovery of 9/11 being an inside job, then about the fraudulent banking/financial system, legal system, education system, then about suppressed technology and secret societies, chemtrails, false religions, and on and on. All of this very much mimicked the way that Truman discovered his world to be false. Now, even though I'm on the verge of total impecuniousness I am disenchanted with the world and often wish to be free from humanity forever -- there is nothing about living in "the system" that attracts me.

The world is almost entirely psychopathic, not because it needs to be so, but because it's artificially maintained in that way. I watched G. Edward Griffin interview congressman Norman Dodd a few years back, and Dodd mentioned that a woman he worked with eventually lost her mind as a result of reading the minutes from the meetings of certain tax-exempt foundations in the States during the early to mid-1900s. The point is that we have the most anti-social people actually running society -- and it has been that way for thousands of years! It's not only depressing, it can truly test the sanity of any human -- naturally social -- being. The situation is like playing on a team (say the human species?) and finding out that members on your own team are conspiring against you (and all the while saying, "Oh nooooo! We're not conspiring against you.").

One of my great desires over the past few years has been to discover why the "conspiracies" exist -- why must things be the way they are? I have concluded that the social axiom, "nothing is as it seems to be" applies at the individual level as well, "I am not what I appear to be." I am not a human being, and I am not mortal. There would be no need for such deception at the social level if as I were as I appear to be.

Come to think of it, maybe it's not the end of raw. I'm having plenty of trouble at the temp. job I'm at right now because of the heavy lifting -- my right knee and back are turning into Swiss cheese. I don't want to give up the income, but I can still walk relatively well and normally -- I'd like to keep it that way. I'm feeling totally alienated from all humans, which I see as monsters and beasts at the etheric level (well, I and most of the occultists throughout history), so I'm very interested in "disappearing", getting away from humans for as long as it takes to become pure etherically, and consequently illuminated. I don't know if I'm going back to work next week or not.

I went and bought that waterproof gear I wrote about in an earlier blog entry. Shoes, pants, and jacket -- all waterproof. I tested them today -- the first rain-day since I bought them. Very good stuff, I'm very pleased. The pants actually get "wet," but the wetness doesn't penetrate, and they dry in minutes. I actually submerged my shoes in the park lake, up to the top of the laces -- no leak.

I still feel very close to "illumination" -- still so close, still so far. In a few weeks I'll be "homeless", but I already sleep in the park every night anyway. My main concern, though, is finding somewhere etherically pure and clean to live.

Plans for summer?

I realized on the weekend that I don't relax but am always under stress, tension. So, I made yet more subliminals, this time along the lines of "I have the capacity to relax." That was what lead me to rattlesnake point on Monday -- I wanted to follow the same trend all week, as the weather was nice, but the laborer at Mimac broke his finger and I'll be replacing him for at least two weeks, if I choose to work there that long. I had other plans but it's tough to turn down money.

I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to spend some time at rattlesnake point -- all week this would have been amazing. I bought a new sleeping bag -- a three season -- on the weekend. The thor bag was a bit too warm for spring, but the main reason I returned it was the loft was very uneven, i.e., some parts were well insulated, some parts not. I spent all afternoon on Sunday at MEC downtown, their spring gear was interesting. I'm interested in their waterproof gear mainly, because I expect the HAARP-ers to make it rain a lot this year, like they did last year. A pair of supremely comfortable water-proof shoes run at 130$ plus tax, a waterproof jacket for about 100$, and the water-proof pants, I'm not sure. The cheapest bivy bag is 150$ plus tax. That already runs to 400$, not including the waterproof socks that I also tried on.

There are several organic farms in Ontario taking volunteers, I still haven't contacted any of them -- I have to pay 45$ to join WWOOF.ca. Say, would you like to pay the fee so I can surf farms?

I'm considering getting a room to rent in Milton of all places because of the proximity to rattlesnake point. I spoke to one person renting a room in her house (living with her boyfriend) for 425 per month. Other than that, I haven't looked, but I'd like to be close to nature so I'm keen on going to Milton in June.

What a Cool Day

What a cool day I had today. Predictably good weather-Monday -- thanks to HAARP-ERS and chemtrails, i.e., weather controllers. I went to Rattlesnake point today -- spent 7 hours there, hiking with Tina and reading for an hour or two, then hiking again. I thought I lost my keys somewhere along the trail, but they were behind the car, thankfully, I dropped them as soon as I locked the car -- Ceci's key chain is very weak.

I'm going to make some meatloaf tonight, a la Maker's diet, but with Halal meat. I'd love to try kosher meat, but very difficult to come across -- only one butcher in all of the fucking GTA!

Bye!

Purify the Etheric Body

Four months into the year -- a year in which I believed that I could become spiritually illuminated. And I had the method: purify the chakras, purify the etheric body. Funny how "chakras" and "etheric" both show up as misspelled on my text editor. Alas, humanity has a long way to go. And I don't want to be there to see them through.

I saw some very gruesome pictures and videos of suicides ... real suicides. There are some very nasty websites out there, it's totally sick what you might find if you look. I saw several pictures of murders as well, very nasty stuff. All this to say that death, premature death, doesn't really turn me on -- I have been hoping for a long time to suicide my way out of this life, but after seeing what death looks like, I think I'd like to reconsider.

I saw Tracy again last week, which was the "golden section" week since my birthday. I mentioned for the first time how, 2 years ago before Carolina opened me up and practically killed me in the process, I had actually started making subliminals that said things like "I have died, I have found a way to die, etc." That was triggered by the loss of 2500$ on my credit card early in '08. Well, that and living with two women who both have some of the nastiest third chakra energy I have ever been forced to endure. And also the other 30,000$ that I lost over the two years prior to '08. In any case, the long and short is that I asked for it, the experience of "death" with Carolina -- I experienced exactly what I asked for with my subliminals, except ... well, the old phrase, "be careful what you wish for."

I still feel raped every day by people's energy (remember the Bogg's scenes from Shawshank Redemption?) which means that this place (the Earth) might still get the best of me, as it almost got the best of Andy Dufraisne. Almost, but for the OUTDOOR DETAIL. I have not started looking for a place to stay in June when I have to move -- I'm still focused on "illumination" and especially removing the leeches from my second and third chakras. Just like Cecilia's working towards her bodybuilding competition, I'm training for my etheric body competition -- I've got to become purified, I've got to become clean -- it's as hard as coming from the slums and making 20 million rupees (the answer to the question is destiny, btw). It's about as hard as trying to wash yourself off with mud -- I mean, how can I become clean when all I have to work with is dirt?

I've seen two movies in the past little while that have to do with death -- "Into the Wild", directed by Sean Penn, and "Le Grand Bleu", directed by the amazing Luc Besson (I believe). Both films involve the protagonists more or less insanely, more or less stupidly throwing their lives away. Even Truman did that at the very end -- because he wanted truth above all else (just like McCandless). Truth and reality are very different things -- actually they're polar opposites in this fake world. The only way you can approach truth is via destiny, just like Jamal did.

I've come to believe that spiritual illumination is the most important of all pursuits -- does that make me a religious freak, fanatic? But wait, the Illuminati own the banks, the education systems, the military, all technology -- they own your very thoughts and wishes, and your future, and the future of your children. So, illumination must be pretty important. Truman had to reach a point where he gave up his existence in order to know truth -- and I have to reach that same point. It is yet to be reached. I don't know how to reach it, but if it's destiny that I become illuminated, then I will find a way.

April 5 - ish

I just calculated that the golden section date of my birth year (which starts on aug. 26) is today, or yesterday -- in other words 7 months and 11 days since my birthday (also the orbital period of Venus around the sun).

I just noticed, watching the Truman Show again, that the Loren character's real name is "Sylvia", which means "from the forest." So, the character, which I believe is the angel that everybody has in their auric field (specifically the emotion body, or soul, as I refer to it), fits in very well with my attempts to get out into the forest for purification and enlightenment. I also heard M.P. Hall recently talk about how ancient sanctuaries/places of worship where originally out in nature. I guess the renaissance architects/catholic church took care of that one?

I Think Its Time for Me to Go ...

Click on image to enlarge.


"Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness, give me truth."

The Rosicrucians

I haven't been silent about my admiration and respect for the brothers of the Rosy Cross. Here is a link to a "brochure" put out by a now worldwide school called the Lectorium Rosicrucianum.

Link

Eternal Life Resides in ...

the heart.

Despite the fact that I haven't "worked" or had a "job" in the past ... 20 or so years doesn't mean I haven't grown in my own way, and struggled for survival in my own way. The mind is a destructive instrument -- humans come together to create society to protect themselves from the elements of nature and then find out that the only element they really need protection from is humanity itself. This is a nightmare -- and no nightmare is real, by the way -- that needs waking up from. How do you wake up from a nightmare you're dreaming in your waking state? How can you wake up from the collective nightmare that humanity is dreaming for itself, called modern society? There is no escape. If you want to find a way out, there is no way out. No way out but one, that is.

The heart.

The heart is the "message in the bottle". The heart is the tree in the middle of the desert that is its own water and its own food and needs no external nourishment to grow and flourish. It is the divinity within each of us, it is entirely self-sufficient because it is the spark of god in us, it is eternal and immortal.

Many people have "accused" me of being too cerebral. Tracy, Catherine, Anthony, Jason, probably Joyce and Charity, and many, many others have accused me of being too much "in my head". Hmmm, I wonder why. Now, I know that these people were just the means of telling myself to start thinking with my heart instead of my head. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

Yes, I believe I have come to the end of my karmic cycle, that it's time for me to leave this world, so to speak -- in the same way that one wakes up from a dream. It's time for me to wake up! Reality awaits, eternity awaits, it's time to bid time goodbye.

20 years of mental exercise -- from the time I was 16 till now -- has resulted in me coming more or less to the end of my mind. What is the end of all knowledge? I can't remember who said it, I wish I could, but someone said "The end of all knowledge is to obey." To obey what?

The heart. There is only one ticket up to the higher universes, only one ticket to immortality -- that is to start living from the only part within us that is immortal -- no, not the liver, not the brain, but the heart.

Buddhists or hindus, or somebody, know that the mind can never actually know anything -- whence the entire field of epistemology that has yet to come up with a single conclusion. It is only the heart that can know.

I Googled "Help with Spiritual Awakening"

... and this is what I got

They all apply to me (the "twelve signs of spiritual awakening"), but, I just read number 12, and ... wow!

#12. A deep longing to go Home. This is perhaps the most difficult and challenging of any of the conditions. You may experience a deep and overwhelming desire to leave the planet and return to Home. This is not a "suicidal" feeling. It is not based in anger or frustration. You don't want to make a big deal of it or cause drama for yourself or other. There is a quiet part of you that wants to go Home. The root cause for this is quite simple. You have completed your karmic cycles. You have completed your contract for this lifetime. You are ready to begin a new lifetime while still in this physical body. During this transition process, you have an inner remembrance of what it is like to be on the other side. Are you ready to enlist for another tour of duty here on Earth? Are you ready to take on the challenges of moving into the New Energy? Yes, indeed you could go Home right now. But you've come this far, and after many, many lifetimes it would be a shame to leave before the end of the movie. Besides, Spirit needs you here to help others transition into the new energy. They will need a human guide, just like you, who has taken the journey from the old energy into the new. The path you're walking right now provides the experiences to enable you to become a Teacher of the New Divine Human. As lonely and dark as your journey can be at times, remember that you are never alone.

I'm very displeased

Antkiller!

For those of you using the new Splenda sugar substitute which you can buy at Costco, let me tell you what
a great ant killer it is. We were having bigtime ant problems here. At night they would eat the leaves off our
grapefruit, lemon, lime and and orange trees. They would travel in single file a hundred feet or more from
the source of the goodies to the nest holes in the ground. Many excavations including several right next to
the foundation of the house. Well, I read where Splenda started out as an ant killer and when they discovered
how sweet it was they turned it into a sugar substitute. Poisonous for ants but not for humans???
See my page at www.detailshere.com/splenda.htm for why you don't want to use it as a sugar substitute. Right
in there with sacharin and aspartame. But I did try it out on all the ant nest entrances. Bingo, GONE. I can't find
any trace of ants or fresh dirt being removed or more leaves disappearing. Apparently the took it inside the nest
from the entrance and it did a whammy on them.
Costco also sells PureVia www.purevia.com which is a Stevia plant based product, also zero calories but
no detrimental effects. I understand Coke and Pepsi are planning to come out with a diet drink using stevia
for the sweetener. Still doesn't account for the phosphoric acid in the these pop products that's stripping the
calcium from your bones and giving you sponge bones that are brittle and easily broken as well as turning your
body acid which opens it up to all kinds of diseases. One 12 ounce coke at pH4.0 will require 32 glasses of
pH 10.5 water to neutralize it. One 12 ounce coke a day will also put 8 pounds of fat on your body in a year.
Interesting. I'm becoming very fond of lemonade sweetened with Stevia.

From detailshere.com

Things are about to go nuclear.

2010 the movie is about spiritual illumination -- a star being born -- just like Truman show (the story of my life).



2010 is turning out to be a crunch time year for me -- a year where I put my knowledge, slowly but surely acquired over 20 years, to the test. Spiritual tests are tests of the hardest kind. I think about Blavatsky's comment, buried somewhere in the pages of Isis Unveiled, that spiritual awakening is the hardest thing to do in the universe. But, I'm reminded of the first few words (and the chorus) of Eminem's "Lose Yourself" song -- it seems like my whole life has been "training", "preparation" for this experience, this moment. Am I going to drop the ball? Um ... traveling from one state of consciousness to another, from one state of being to another, is not something I had consciously planned for this life. But, the moment is at hand. "You can do anything you set your mind to, man."



Hello to the Brothers RC.

Holy, this is SO me!

LINK to more complete video

Icke on Polio

David Icke Newsletter Preview
HOW TO 'ERADICATE' A DISEASE

Polio vaccine propaganda
... HEY, PRESTO - CHANGE ITS NAME

We are told that polio has been 'beaten' in most countries by a vaccine when all they have done is given the symptoms other names. Staggering, yes, but true

Hey, Rotary International. What are you doing supporting this scam? Get informed

The David Icke Newsletter Goes Out On Sunday

All these scams and others caused the official figures for polio to fall dramatically and the credit was given to the vaccine when, in truth, cases of infantile paralysis were actually growing rapidly - doubling between 1957 and 1959.

Dr Bernard Greenberg, head of the Department of Biostatistics at the University of North Carolina, told a Congressional hearing in 1962 that infantile paralysis cases had increased after the introduction of the vaccine by 50 per cent from 1957 to 1958, and by 80 per cent from 1958 to 1959.

Infantile paralysis is today known as Acute Flaccid Paralysis (AFP) and while America has been declared 'polio free' many thousands every year contract Acute Flaccid Paralysis - polio under another name.

Also there are thousands of cases a year in the United States of Guillian-Barré syndrome (re-designated polio) and the same with aseptic meningitis (re-designated polio). Then there are the thousands in America alone every year who contract a condition known as 'West Nile Fever' which can cause 'a polio-like syndrome with paralysis and impaired breathing'.

The pre-1957 definition of polio would today be recording many more cases than were seen during the epidemics of the 1950s which were supposed to have been eradicated by a vaccine that doesn't work, not least because polio is not caused by a virus - it is caused by pesticides and other toxins.

The Buddha Atom

I spent some time last night and this morning listening to M.P. Hall's history of the ancient Indian/Buddhist/Hindu and Chinese concepts of the atom. I was very intrigued by the Buddhist concepts of the atom, who thought that it's not material but spiritual -- alive and basically consists of thoughts.

And, according to Buddhism, love has an atomic existence, as does hate and every other thought or emotion-form -- anything and everything that exists in abstraction exists at an atomic level.

And, if you feel hate, you attract hate atoms into your energy field. Karma exists at an atomic level, so you can attract karma or starve karma out of your energy field by no longer attracting it.

Hall said that there is exists a unique, peculiar atom called the "Buddha atom", and I'm not sure -- I don't remember -- if he said that this atom is attracted to the person or born within the person, but the Buddha atom is attracted to or born within the individual when that individual genuinely decides that his or her life shall be useful to another, when that individual decides that he or she shall no longer seek simply the good of him- or herself but the good of all.

Alfonsina y el Mar

Translation of lyrics

Post Moon-Landing Press Conference

Link

Hero Falls

Eustace Mullins was one of the few heroes in the world. Haven't heard of him? Watch the candid video at the end.

I Love Sally Fallon

Chakra Spin Reversal

Another video of mine -- I did it a few weeks ago.

GM Foods

Does anybody really care?

He makes it clear, for me anyway, that GM foods are introduced mainly to effect genetic modification of the human populace because gene-jumping and gene promoter-jumping takes place between food DNA and bacterial DNA in the gut, and subsequently from bacterial DNA to human DNA.

I'm Already Gone

Somewhere in Time

This movie reminds me of ... me ... and the Slumdog Millionaire ... Both movies just have to be about Isis -- the angel that I've been seeing intermittently in my aura over the past two years.

The Sun is a Chakra

Chakra means spinning wheel. Here's wikipedia's depiction of the Sun's Interplanetary Magnetic Field (IMF). The human body bears the same relationship with it's own energy field that the sun does to its IMF.