End of Raw?

I think that's the end of "raw." Three and a half years of blogging -- three and a half of the worst years of my life, and things are looking to get worse when I have no job, no money, and no place to live, in about 28 days from now.

I'd like to close the blog with a (repeat?) quote from my favorite of favorites, Francis Bacon -- founder of modern science, the real Shakespeare, mastermind behind the colonization of the Americas, and, just as likely as not, still living. I am paraphrasing him:

"A little learning inclineth the mind to atheism, but, greatness of learning bringeth the mind back to God."

The years 2000-2010 were all about "greatness of learning" for me, just as the '90s were about crap knowledge given to the masses. You could say I discovered God in about 2008 or so, when I got seriously into Theosophy. I owe so much, in this incarnation, to Manly P. Hall and Helena P. Blavatsky -- words can simply not express. And, perhaps the above quote can sum up the lesson I learned in this incarnation -- and that I'll take with me to the grave.

In mid-2005 or so, I started using "The Secret", i.e., using positive affirmations to change my life, accomplish my goals, etc. When I applied "The Secret" to trying to discover what I really want to accomplish, I came up with several goals that covered the gamut of knowledge, and gleaned from the Library of Congress classification system. That systems divides all knowledge into 22 categories, so I set a goal to become "the greatest" in each of these, e.g., "I have become the greatest philosopher ...", "I have become the greatest psychologist ..." etc., for all 22 knowledge areas.

After a year, that process lead to my discovery of 9/11 being an inside job, then about the fraudulent banking/financial system, legal system, education system, then about suppressed technology and secret societies, chemtrails, false religions, and on and on. All of this very much mimicked the way that Truman discovered his world to be false. Now, even though I'm on the verge of total impecuniousness I am disenchanted with the world and often wish to be free from humanity forever -- there is nothing about living in "the system" that attracts me.

The world is almost entirely psychopathic, not because it needs to be so, but because it's artificially maintained in that way. I watched G. Edward Griffin interview congressman Norman Dodd a few years back, and Dodd mentioned that a woman he worked with eventually lost her mind as a result of reading the minutes from the meetings of certain tax-exempt foundations in the States during the early to mid-1900s. The point is that we have the most anti-social people actually running society -- and it has been that way for thousands of years! It's not only depressing, it can truly test the sanity of any human -- naturally social -- being. The situation is like playing on a team (say the human species?) and finding out that members on your own team are conspiring against you (and all the while saying, "Oh nooooo! We're not conspiring against you.").

One of my great desires over the past few years has been to discover why the "conspiracies" exist -- why must things be the way they are? I have concluded that the social axiom, "nothing is as it seems to be" applies at the individual level as well, "I am not what I appear to be." I am not a human being, and I am not mortal. There would be no need for such deception at the social level if as I were as I appear to be.

Come to think of it, maybe it's not the end of raw. I'm having plenty of trouble at the temp. job I'm at right now because of the heavy lifting -- my right knee and back are turning into Swiss cheese. I don't want to give up the income, but I can still walk relatively well and normally -- I'd like to keep it that way. I'm feeling totally alienated from all humans, which I see as monsters and beasts at the etheric level (well, I and most of the occultists throughout history), so I'm very interested in "disappearing", getting away from humans for as long as it takes to become pure etherically, and consequently illuminated. I don't know if I'm going back to work next week or not.

I went and bought that waterproof gear I wrote about in an earlier blog entry. Shoes, pants, and jacket -- all waterproof. I tested them today -- the first rain-day since I bought them. Very good stuff, I'm very pleased. The pants actually get "wet," but the wetness doesn't penetrate, and they dry in minutes. I actually submerged my shoes in the park lake, up to the top of the laces -- no leak.

I still feel very close to "illumination" -- still so close, still so far. In a few weeks I'll be "homeless", but I already sleep in the park every night anyway. My main concern, though, is finding somewhere etherically pure and clean to live.

Plans for summer?

I realized on the weekend that I don't relax but am always under stress, tension. So, I made yet more subliminals, this time along the lines of "I have the capacity to relax." That was what lead me to rattlesnake point on Monday -- I wanted to follow the same trend all week, as the weather was nice, but the laborer at Mimac broke his finger and I'll be replacing him for at least two weeks, if I choose to work there that long. I had other plans but it's tough to turn down money.

I wonder if I'll ever get the chance to spend some time at rattlesnake point -- all week this would have been amazing. I bought a new sleeping bag -- a three season -- on the weekend. The thor bag was a bit too warm for spring, but the main reason I returned it was the loft was very uneven, i.e., some parts were well insulated, some parts not. I spent all afternoon on Sunday at MEC downtown, their spring gear was interesting. I'm interested in their waterproof gear mainly, because I expect the HAARP-ers to make it rain a lot this year, like they did last year. A pair of supremely comfortable water-proof shoes run at 130$ plus tax, a waterproof jacket for about 100$, and the water-proof pants, I'm not sure. The cheapest bivy bag is 150$ plus tax. That already runs to 400$, not including the waterproof socks that I also tried on.

There are several organic farms in Ontario taking volunteers, I still haven't contacted any of them -- I have to pay 45$ to join WWOOF.ca. Say, would you like to pay the fee so I can surf farms?

I'm considering getting a room to rent in Milton of all places because of the proximity to rattlesnake point. I spoke to one person renting a room in her house (living with her boyfriend) for 425 per month. Other than that, I haven't looked, but I'd like to be close to nature so I'm keen on going to Milton in June.

What a Cool Day

What a cool day I had today. Predictably good weather-Monday -- thanks to HAARP-ERS and chemtrails, i.e., weather controllers. I went to Rattlesnake point today -- spent 7 hours there, hiking with Tina and reading for an hour or two, then hiking again. I thought I lost my keys somewhere along the trail, but they were behind the car, thankfully, I dropped them as soon as I locked the car -- Ceci's key chain is very weak.

I'm going to make some meatloaf tonight, a la Maker's diet, but with Halal meat. I'd love to try kosher meat, but very difficult to come across -- only one butcher in all of the fucking GTA!

Bye!

Purify the Etheric Body

Four months into the year -- a year in which I believed that I could become spiritually illuminated. And I had the method: purify the chakras, purify the etheric body. Funny how "chakras" and "etheric" both show up as misspelled on my text editor. Alas, humanity has a long way to go. And I don't want to be there to see them through.

I saw some very gruesome pictures and videos of suicides ... real suicides. There are some very nasty websites out there, it's totally sick what you might find if you look. I saw several pictures of murders as well, very nasty stuff. All this to say that death, premature death, doesn't really turn me on -- I have been hoping for a long time to suicide my way out of this life, but after seeing what death looks like, I think I'd like to reconsider.

I saw Tracy again last week, which was the "golden section" week since my birthday. I mentioned for the first time how, 2 years ago before Carolina opened me up and practically killed me in the process, I had actually started making subliminals that said things like "I have died, I have found a way to die, etc." That was triggered by the loss of 2500$ on my credit card early in '08. Well, that and living with two women who both have some of the nastiest third chakra energy I have ever been forced to endure. And also the other 30,000$ that I lost over the two years prior to '08. In any case, the long and short is that I asked for it, the experience of "death" with Carolina -- I experienced exactly what I asked for with my subliminals, except ... well, the old phrase, "be careful what you wish for."

I still feel raped every day by people's energy (remember the Bogg's scenes from Shawshank Redemption?) which means that this place (the Earth) might still get the best of me, as it almost got the best of Andy Dufraisne. Almost, but for the OUTDOOR DETAIL. I have not started looking for a place to stay in June when I have to move -- I'm still focused on "illumination" and especially removing the leeches from my second and third chakras. Just like Cecilia's working towards her bodybuilding competition, I'm training for my etheric body competition -- I've got to become purified, I've got to become clean -- it's as hard as coming from the slums and making 20 million rupees (the answer to the question is destiny, btw). It's about as hard as trying to wash yourself off with mud -- I mean, how can I become clean when all I have to work with is dirt?

I've seen two movies in the past little while that have to do with death -- "Into the Wild", directed by Sean Penn, and "Le Grand Bleu", directed by the amazing Luc Besson (I believe). Both films involve the protagonists more or less insanely, more or less stupidly throwing their lives away. Even Truman did that at the very end -- because he wanted truth above all else (just like McCandless). Truth and reality are very different things -- actually they're polar opposites in this fake world. The only way you can approach truth is via destiny, just like Jamal did.

I've come to believe that spiritual illumination is the most important of all pursuits -- does that make me a religious freak, fanatic? But wait, the Illuminati own the banks, the education systems, the military, all technology -- they own your very thoughts and wishes, and your future, and the future of your children. So, illumination must be pretty important. Truman had to reach a point where he gave up his existence in order to know truth -- and I have to reach that same point. It is yet to be reached. I don't know how to reach it, but if it's destiny that I become illuminated, then I will find a way.

April 5 - ish

I just calculated that the golden section date of my birth year (which starts on aug. 26) is today, or yesterday -- in other words 7 months and 11 days since my birthday (also the orbital period of Venus around the sun).

I just noticed, watching the Truman Show again, that the Loren character's real name is "Sylvia", which means "from the forest." So, the character, which I believe is the angel that everybody has in their auric field (specifically the emotion body, or soul, as I refer to it), fits in very well with my attempts to get out into the forest for purification and enlightenment. I also heard M.P. Hall recently talk about how ancient sanctuaries/places of worship where originally out in nature. I guess the renaissance architects/catholic church took care of that one?